Monday mornings are that kid in school no one ever speaks to.
That kid is usually different from everyone in his class. Maybe he looks different, maybe he has stutter or maybe he’s a vegan.
Kids don’t speak to him not because of hatred, bias or envy as some armchair psychologists would have you believe. They avoid him because they’re afraid of him. They simply don’t understand him.
“Why is his lunch made of leaves”?
“What is a kale?”
“Why is his face always frowning?”
Those are the questions they whisper among themselves.
But did you ever stop in traffic to smell the roses and think what Monday morning also feels like?
No one to share his kale sandwich with.
This bigotry and abuse needs to stop. We’re collectively participating in it.
Each time we post a meme against Mondays. Every time we moan about the start of the week and how the only thing that will ever make the trauma bearable is caffeine. To make it a more visceral injustice is all the love, every other day of the week gets.
Pitted against the list above, all Monday has ever felt is a deeply disturbing sense of being unwanted, hated, rejected and such pitiful low self-esteem that no Instagram filter can make it better.
Like all systemic injustices surrounding us, the only way to address and eradicate this would be to go to the root of the problem—
So, a long, long time ago the Romans were bored.
They had all finished tying up their gladiator sandals by mid afternoon and had their evening yawningly free. Romulus, their king, around 753 BCE (Before Common Era) had a subject who had been on “casual leave” for more than 7 days in a row. Naturally this stirred up a rage so basic, livid and vile in him (as it would in any authority figure facing the same situation) that he decided to invent a calendar to mark time.
Rumour has it that several Roman subjects were lined up and each told to pick a day.
“Who would like to go first”, King Romulus thundered.
“And you idiots can pick your own names.”
A fair, freckled Roman boy with frizzy hair, frighteningly awful hand-eye coordination which made him roadkill at chariot racing (the Candy Crush of Romans), who was wearing the crocs version of gladiators, raised his hand and screamed.
“ME. ME. ME. I’ll go first.
And Oh! oh! Can I please be called Monday?”
“Fine. The week begins with you.”, bellowed King Romulus.
And since then, for centuries and hashtags to come, Mondays are being viciously attacked, persecuted and alienated- all because of one Roman boys sunny enthusiasm.
(This heart wrenching story is to teach all of us an invaluable lesson: Next time there’s a Monday morning meeting, please keep your hands by your sides and don’t volunteer with unnatural enthusiasm. Nothing good comes of it and sometimes other people have to pay for it for centuries to come.)
(Kakul Gautam writes frequently and mostly in italics on www.hyperbolemuch.blogspot.com. In her free time, she’s also working on ridding the world of high-fives and LOLs)