This post started out as a conversation with a very dear guy friend.

Poor chap had been online considerably during work hours, here’s why.

(Also, by online I mean Facebook. By considerably I mean constantly. Which is why his identity must remain anonymous, all those who have a guilty flush reading this right now- That’s all on you).

His dilemma was fairly straightforward. Well-meaning friends had tagged him on several illuminating but conflicting posts.

There was his friend who warned him about not dating the girl who travels apparently her skin was too sunburnt, she couldn’t hold a steady job and got bored too quickly. Another friend(meddler) insisted that dating a girl who travels is a smarter life choice, there’s all that life broadening experience, her ability to fall asleep anywhere (no kidding, it’s listed in the article) and the fact that she could carry a fully loaded backpack made her a stellar choice for a companion.

His mum of course, insisted he date a girl who reads. But as mums go she made this point passive-aggressively by telling him that he should in fact date an illiterate girl because she won’t be able to articulate or understand the emptiness that their punctuation-less life will eventually be.

Dear dad, sweetly to the point told his son to date a girl who writes because they make you look good (I’m not making this stuff up).

So, on the near occasion of another weekend wedding you have to attend (and for those of my friends who’re pretending to disagree, the dhol beats are still echoing in your ear, you don’t love Sukhbir that much)

Here’s what I think all those guys confused about the right girl should do:

Date a girl who has ADD !! 

(It stands for Attention Deficit Disorder. Scroll quickly to the bottom if this offended you already)

If you’ve read any of the above articles closely, they go to show why any interest a girl may have is mostly a hidden tool for you to better your life.

She travels?  Great, will be less fussy and open to squalid, backpacking-dorm-like conditions which is what a boys room sometimes looks like.

She reads?  Super! It means your children will be able to string a sentence together.

She doesn’t travel?  Great. It means she will have a steady job, will wear a watch and will fight and communicate with you in only one language.

She doesn’t read?  Excellent. She will save you money on coffee. Girls who read forget to drink their beverage on time, forcing you to buy them two cups of coffee.

It’s rough that a guy must have to choose from all these wonderful services that different girls with different interests provide. So here’s my submission:

Date a girl who has ADD.

As English sitcoms (reference the Zoey Deschanel Empire) go to show, most of them will be wide-eyed and chasing birds while baking cupcakes. This lets them fit the just-right mould of “cuteness”. Independent and/or sexy girls may not apply.

After all, which Mummy-ji can take offence to a cupcake baking, bird chasing daughter-in-law?

Date a girl who has ADD, for her medical condition will ensure that she will have forgotten any douchebag remark/action that you will inevitably make.

Most fights will sound like:

Her: How Could You Speak To Me Like That?

You: Err.. You Shouldn’t Have Pissed Me Off About…

Her: Oh My God, I love pink! Let’s talk about colours.Tell me yours, baby?

When you’re with a girl who has ADD, you don’t have to choose anymore. She can travel/not travel/read/and write but not so much that her hobby is in anyway debilitating or limiting to your life.

She will never love anything long enough for it to consume her time. Which means that she can spend her leftover time, loving you and doodling your name on the side of her notebook. With hearts. Girls with ADD love hearts and exclamation marks. “!!” These are way cuter than anything else a reader/writer/traveller can bring to the table.

Unlike other demanding and difficult girls-  for e.g.: The girl who reads will hold you to some high standards she read in her favourite book, the girl who writes will be mentally spell checking your angry texts, the girl who travels might be difficult to keep in one place- –The girl with ADD will be all of the above, but not for too long. Not long enough for you to have to alter your lifestyle.

Unlike girls who travel, a girl who has ADD might have a stamped passport but will not have the patience to actually be able to read maps and correct you.

Like the girls who write, the girl who has ADD will demonstrate suitable command over the language but not so much that she will get lost in the middle of a book and forget to meet you for dates. She will prefer not to travel because too much adventure never did anyone much good.

This girl who has ADD will never be consumed or be defined by any one single thing. Which means you will almost be dating more than one woman at a time. (Please don’t stand up in excitement. Remain seated for the entire length of this article).

Her constantly shifting attention will ensure that she keeps the mystery alive in the relationship, and you don’t have to settle for any singular “type”. Guys, really date a girl who has ADD.

If you forget her birthday, chances are she might have too!

She will be misplacing things all the time giving you a chance to save the day and be her hero by finding her lost keys, or reminding her that her scarf is already around her neck. (Admit it; you’re smiling just thinking about how cute she is!).

A girl with ADD will not have enough focus to have a singular career, but a mind intelligent enough to definitely get out there and work 

(9 to 5 only, nothing longer or more constricting).

Dear confused men, who have been tormented by the question of which girl to date.

Date a girl who has ADD and you won’t get bored.

However, chances are she probably will.

(Non Disclaimer: No animals were prosecuted/put on trial during the typing of this rant. My aforementioned guy friend may or may not be fictitious.

Basically I love reading, writing, traveling and sometimes not traveling. All the other wonderful blog posts referenced above were limiting my options.

Consider this the longest personals ad ever.

 

ADD is a real life condition, which half of my friends are afflicted with. This article is merely a plea to stop the “Date a girl who….” rants.

Date whoever the hell you want.

I can’t share my personal, completely biased opinion any longer-

Oh. Look. Butterflies. 

I’ve got to go bake some cupcakes!!) 

  • Divesh Mehta

    This is beautiful. Love it! Oh wait, is there a cup cake that I can snack on?